focus / Life / Love / Tough Love

Tough Love with KIKI


I wish to remain anonymous.

I am a student in 400level and I still do not have a boyfriend yet.  My classmates think I am a “holy holy” but on the other hand, I am not. I have one Alahaji that I see on the weekends and another chief that I see on Wednesdays only because that’s his wife’s busiest day. I also have one guy that I smash on Thursdays because that is the only day I can use my weekday short distance pass. His name is Bidemi. I have deep affection for Bidemi because he is so great in bed. At this point, I am not sure if what I feel for Bidemi is love or lust but all I know is that he makes me feel alright. Yes, I do Hausa, Yoruba and Igbo… I don’t discriminate.  Alahaji gives me money but in order to keep up with my low-key holy girl appearance in school, I do not use it for expensive weaves or clothes. I just keep it in my account to be piling. Chief also gives some money but Bidemi… Bidemi is stingy with money sha.

Anyway, now I am graduating next year come June, and I still do not have a boyfriend. I do not want all these chewing gum Babcock boys. I want a man. A real man for me. Someone that will not cheat on me or will not be with me just for my body. I want a man that would love me and cherish me. I mean, after these years in school I cannot come and now meet any kind of man. He has to have class and status and have money.  My assets cannot come and be invested in one rubbish man. How can I get a boyfriend KIKI? Help me, give me advice. I want a man for the long term now.



Hello Anonymous

Your case is a highly common one. You say you want a boyfriend. Let us review your checklist together, one by one.

Firstly, you want a boyfriend because you will soon graduate and you still do not have a man

Contrary to public opinion, you do not need a man to complete you. You can be strong, independent and successful without a man in your life at this young age. I am not against marriage, no. It is a beautiful thing that should be kept sacred. But do not rely on a man that has money. Do not be lazy. Go and make your own first.

Secondly, you do not want a man that would want you for just your body.

This only happens to cheap runz girls. And why am I saying this to you? This is because you have a runz girl mentality. Only runz girls have runz girl mentality. You want sex and you want money. I feel that is the only reason you would say specifically that bidemi is stingy. Also, “my assets cannot come and be invested in one rubbish man”. That is also the reason for your checklist of him having money, class and status. Do not rely on his… hustle for your own!

You cannot come and meet any type of man

This is uncalled for. Ask yourself, would you marry you if you knew you? Don’t think of your body as an asset for which you can attract men. It is highly unacceptable of a lady.

Your class mates think that you are a “holy holy”

Ask yourself, who are you really deceiving. Them or you? You collect money that you cannot use because you want to appear in your words ‘holy holy’. That is the most stupid thing I’ve ever heard. Why indulge and collect the money just to keep it. Keep it and do what. You are not investing it; you are not spending it on yourself. I do not see the point in all that. You are still a learner.

You want a man that will not cheat on you?

Are you kidding me? What are you doing with alhaji and chief? How can a cheat say she doesn’t want a cheat? You have to change. You are encouraging these men to defile their marriages and it seems okay to you. If you destroy another person’s marriage, you’re can never be smooth. It’s not a curse, it’s the law of karma.

If your main objective is to be sexy, you will attract men whose main objective is to have sex

You don’t know what you feel for bidemi

My dear, it is nothing but pure lust. I do not opine that love can spring out of sex. Out of attraction, maybe but never sex.

You want a man who would love you

How can someone love you when you don’t love yourself? I feel you sleep around to gain acceptance because you are insecure. Only insecure girls jump from bed to bed. If you are confident and you love yourself, this should not even be a problem.

You don’t know why you still don’t have a boyfriend right

You can’t find a man of your own when you’re playing second fiddle to another woman’s man.

You need a man for the long term?

Please, change your ways and focus all your wrongly invested energy on bettering yourself. You are a woman and not an object of sexual gratification. There is honestly, more to life than sex.

If you exude confidence, trust me, it is the men that would come to you.

No qualms, it’s out of love I speak.

Tough love



26 thoughts on “Tough Love with KIKI

  1. I stand strongly with toluwani on this issue. However everybody both male and female are created by God equal and without the need to depend on another except him for provision. A man or woman is not in your life to give you stability. The truth remains that having a relationship does not guarantee happiness nor peace . My advice is that you should take a break,treat yourself well, stop the acts of having more than one guy in your life. A necessary thing to note is that you are complete in yourself and all you need is a guy who appreciates you for you, wants to make you a better person and last of all trust God to bring that guy even if the guy is a Babcock chewing gum dude

    Liked by 1 person

  2. First of you actually make yourself sound like a prostitute expressing that you sleep with married men for money. You’ve already made yourself cheap to the eyes of men. You wanting a real man requires you to become a Lady.
    Also as said before you do not need a man to complete yourself. God has his timing for his children but I think you need to find God First before you will find the right man for you.
    Depending on men is also something you should NEVER do. Be independent, work and earn your own money and creat your own foundation. Let men chase you and work hard for you. Don’t let yourself and your love be bought.

    Liked by 1 person

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