My lovelies !!!!
I’ve missed you so much! Things haven’t been the same without you guys 🙂
How was the week? 😀
What have you been doing since the last time we conversed? I have missed you immensely I must confess.
This week, I present to you something from the heart. It would have come in earlier but I needed time to get over what happened. I went through rather recently (two months ago) something I cannot call a break up but that was what it felt like. Thankfully, ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger‘ and I must confess, getting over what happened was not only challenging but it was painful. Many people find themselves in my circumstance and I feel it is unfair.
A part of me wishes every one who leads someone else on (male or female) could have a taste of jungle justice. Funnily, as some consolation, KARMA is a very good friend of mine and she gets the job done. 🙂 Anyway…. let’s get to the gist.
‘I am sick and tired of men’, I to my surprise uttered those words two months ago. (dramatic as always) I wish I could blame everything that happened on him (it is taking every nerve in my body not to hurl insults at him) but I must confess that I am largely at fault. I never learn my lesson with men. That is what this post is inspired by. I was sure at some point that the feelings were mutual after weeks of caution but he led me on and it hurt. It really did. A part of me in deeply enraged at his behavior but I did fail to see the signs. I was always making excuses for him and I have no one but myself to blame.
I will submit my story to my girl Kiki for her words of wisdom and so people that were in my circumstance can have an idea on what to do.
But right now, I am giving you three things a man must do before you give in with your whole heart. (as inspired by ‘act like a lady, think like a man) 🙂
*whispers* It’s a good book that i recommend you read if you haven’t already.
Men like women. That is the way of the world and heck that is how it would always be. Now when a man walks up to you I personally am of the default that hes trying to sleep with me. I don’t care if its wrong or not but I go by a mantra that ‘every man is trying to sleep with me until proven otherwise’. (laughs at the thought of it)
I will just get right to it then
HE MUST PROFESS
This was a big mistake I made. Do not ever infer into your position in his life. No matter how he implies it or gives subtle hints. Do not think that because he kisses you, he thinks you are his girlfriend and nothing needs to be explicitly stated. Do not believe any rubbish he might say about labels being an unnecessary part of life. That is utter and complete rubbish. Run away! Far far away girl! I don’t know how this sounds but you deserve a label. You deserve to be sure and certain of your role in his life.
You see, I have learnt the hard way that girls and guys function quite differently. A guy can have four girls on his tab and treat them all with the same level of affection and attention (two things he knows women desire) and not have feelings for any of them. That is why most of the time in a friends with benefit arrangement, he rarely gets attached. To him, he has not put a label on it and thus, it is nothing.
Even if his friends say it when you are together, think nothing of it unless he uses his mouth to say so. When a guy likes you, and really likes you enough to date you, believe me when I say he will waste no time in making his intentions clear. Do not think that because he calls you everyday he likes you. If he is emotionally invested in you, he would tell it to the world. He would introduce you as his lady and not his friend. He would ask you to be his. There would be no mixed signals with him. In addition, he would find reason to talk to you.
HE MUST PROVIDE
I don’t mean like provide you with money or whatever but as Steve Harvey said, cautiously observe how your man reacts when you go out. Does he wait for you to pick the tab? Does he offer you go sliptsies? Or does he take care of the tab and even go a step further to tip the waiter?
I am going to bring in an angle of attention. We all know the female race (yes, I said female race) requires attention for continuous sustenance no matter how often we deny it but it is a necessary part of our existence. Does he provide you with adequate attention? Does he provide a shoulder to lean on? you are sad and you whine about it to him what does he do? How does he react? Does he zero out and lay low hypothetically waiting for the storm to pass or does he show up and be there for you? does he provide his time? Does he make out time for you for his supposed busy schedule to be with you or tend to your needs? Does he provide support? When you are yellow bellied about an idea that is obviously beneficial to your career, is he in your corner? Cheering you on? Sit back and really think of it. Does he put your feelings into consideration? i.e does he provide a substantial amount of care.
HE MUST PROTECT
He will protect you; not necessarily physically by beating the crap out of the people who upset you. But He will protect your feelings. He will protect your image, he will protect your reputation. He will give you advice, he would give you constructive criticism. He will be there when you need him. If he does the first two things, the third would be on impulse.
I reiterate!!! Do not read meanings, do not infer, and do not make excuses for him. If he is into you, you wouldn’t need to do any of these things.
A guy does not have to be light skinned or drop dead gorgeous or have sparkling white teeth or any thing superficial. Once he has an amazing personality, everything about him becomes beautiful.
You can have a crush; just don’t get crushed. 😦
So with these three points, I appeal to you to be wise! Wear lipstick, pull out your pretty black dress, take care of yourself and don’t let boys be mean to you (only boys are mean to girls: men know how to take care of their ladies)
But you must know, getting your heart broken is a necessary part of life. It helps you realize how you want to be treated with your forever person and it helps you grow and mature emotionally.
*a toast* to getting your heart broken and healing, coming back ten times stronger and redefined.
Keep slaying 🙂